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Nov. 18th, 2010

Things that make me want to die

1.) taking laxatives
2.) binging

Things I just did in order

1.) taking laxatives
2.) binging

I am going to seriously kill myself. What the fuck is wrong with me. Why would you binge an hour AFTER you take laxatives.

Off to finish my italian sausage and tortellini. D: Tonight, I'm going to ask Ryan to tell me what foods I'm allowed to eat because I don't want to eat any more of his foods without his permission.

Nov. 17th, 2010

LOL. We're a week away from thanksgiving. I see I wrote in this LJ a while back "Get back down to 212 pounds or less by Thanksgiving."

AhahahahahAHAAHAHA I will be rofling over here by my own patheticness.

Nov. 17th, 2010

Weight yesterday after eating? 266.8

Weight day before yesterday? 267.2

Weight today after laxatives and water pills and two waffles, a muffin, two quesodillas, a single serving box of frut loops, and a coke? 264.4

Yeah, what?

Today I will not eat. Today I will not eat. If I want to eat, I will read. I may not use coffee to substitute for my hunger because I was up till 6 am last night  because of that.

I will not eat today. If I eat today, I will cut myself. For each item I eat, one new cut.

Nov. 16th, 2010

Things I did today

1.) woke up and was too afraid to weigh myself
2.) went and bought laxatives and water pills
3.) took the pills
4.) made coffee and ate two waffles and a muffin
5.) felt like shit for eating, put away the fish i was planning on having for dinner, seeing as I guesstimate I ate 750 calories (two waffles with pbj on top and a blueberry banana muffin, homemade)
6.) sat on the toilet and pooped for about an hour
7.) deleted my old livejournal, my facebook, tumblr, twitter, and formspring, and all the emails out of my gmail and started two new accounts on livejournal, one for ED and personal things and one that's full of happiness and rainbows and sunshine because I was told to stop being so dramatic so I'll just keep this one private to only a few people.
8.) watched food network all day because I am addicted to it
9.) in general, hated myself for such a pathetic existence

Aug. 5th, 2010

This is just my new (old really but I went through and cleared it out) journal for entries into PA.



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